Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Chickens and concrete statues

This morning I drug the offspring out of bed and off we drove to a garden center. Actually, it is a little farm run by some sisters. They sell plants and concrete lawn items. I went in search of a fine piece of yard art, no doubt inspired by Mr. M&M man. However, we were sidetracked when the "ladies" came out clucking. We were given a cup of grain and when the ladies saw this they came running. They were the fluffiest chickens I have ever seen.

After a few minutes Mr. Rooster came out and it was obvious that he is the boss.

This buff chicken was my favorite. She was fluffy and enormous.

And, yes I actually did buy a piece of yard art. Everyone needs a naked lady holding up a boat, don't ya think?

Monday, July 28, 2008

M&M's anyone?

My family was out riding around in the country. You know, me and the hubs were having such great conversation in the front seat while the kids were about to have a wrestling match in the back. And, then out of nowhere I yell, STOP! Because how many times in your life have you seen an M&M man out in someone's yard? What a classic display of boldness (or insanity) to put a giant, blue M&M man in your front yard? I regret that I did not get a picture of the yellow M&M man located on the opposite side of the yard. I am sure they wanted all of their yard art bases covered.

Sunday, July 27, 2008

How about a movie?

Here in Smalltownland, we are lucky enough to still have a drive-in movie theater. I have the best childhood memories of seeing the movies "Grease" and "Star Wars" at this theater. The adults sat outside in their lawn chairs and the kids got the front seat! Woohoo! We put the speaker on the window, watched the movie and snacked the night away.

These days you can just tune your radio to a certain station and pick up the movie sound. It has become a hub of activity, with church groups attending movies and families loading up and hanging out for the triple feature. A favorite way to watch a movie is to back your pick up truck in a parking space and set your lawn chairs in the truck bed.

We saw the most recent Indiana Jones movie at the drive-in. The kids loved it. However, with my adult perspective in place, watching a movie here makes me feel like a mental patient. The kids like to hop in and out of the car. Undecided if they want to sit out in the lawn chair or in the front seat. They see their friends running to the snack bar and they want to go say hi. Then, since they have not been paying attention, they want a full rundown of what has been happening in the movie.

In the end, it is all worth it. I may feel temporarily insane, but great memories have been made and the kids already can't wait to go back. And, if you are looking for a job the sign does say "help wanted".....

Thursday, July 24, 2008

How many licks does it take?

Does anyone out there remember having to lick those awful green stamps and put them into books? For the uneducated, Green Stamps were issued at the grocery store. It depended on the amount of your purchase, as to how many green stamps you would get. There were tiny green stamps and there were larger green stamps. You would collect these stamps, lick the back of them, and put them into booklets. There was an ever so special Green Stamp Catalog, that you could shop from. Each item was priced by "books". Hence, you could work on collecting your stamps for the item you wanted. I can remember driving to a neighboring town, an hour away, in a non-air conditioned car, to pick up an item from the Green Stamp Store. It is a wonder we did not die from heat stroke and from glue poisoning, just like George's girlfriend on Seinfeld.

I found this metal sign at our local antique mall and had to have it. I still haven't yet figured out what I am going to do with it, but for now, it will rest on my front porch. As a testament to dry, sticky tongues everywhere.

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Just in case.....

Just in case you ever make your way to smalltownland.....and you find my farm all the way out in the middle of nowhere.

And you survive the assault of my dogs.........yes, this cute animal really is my dog.

And then you wake up after passing out at the mere beauty of my sunflowers. You might decide that you want to go be a manly, man and shoot some trap with the Deerslayer. So, the two of you go to our lovely, local sportsman's club. Which, by the way, is also out in the middle of nowhere. Then, after watching the Deerslayer for a while you feel the call of nature, there is something you need to know....... It seems that here in smalltownland the labels "Men" and "Women" are not sufficient for the restrooms. When you feel the urge at the sportsman's club you must decide in a split second if you belong to the:

Or the:

I know you are thinking this is a tough choice, but I am guessing that my reading public is so intelligent....everyone can figure it out.

Monday, July 21, 2008

Big Daddy Pimpin

I waited with baited breath for Southern Fried Momma to come pick me up for our girl's day out ....and low and behold my chariot rolled into the driveway! Her hubby, Rico, bought himself a big new pimp daddy caddy and generously let us drive it for the day. I know you were thinking that we were taking the pink barbie jeep there in the garage, but no. We rolled on up the highway in luxury and style to Lynn's Paradise Cafe.

Here we feasted on cheese grits, mac-n-cheese, fried green tomatoes, and sweet tea. Cuz, you know, we are true southern girls after all. We tried on a few things in the gift shop, because Southern Fried Momma needed some new sunglasses for the ride home.

We enjoyed the kooky decor which included, but seriously not limited to, these hot pajama covered legs hanging from the wall.

And, my day would not have been complete without taking a ride on the green rhino out in the parking lot. Cuz, you know.....that's how I roll.....

So, all you chicks out there, get a caddy, a chick buddy, and head up the road. It's a guaranteed good time. But, only if you wear flamingo sunglasses and ride the green rhino.

Saturday, July 19, 2008

My new job....

I just wanted you.....my viewing public.....to know that my success in chicken farming has lead me in a new direction. I shall now be publishing a most exceptional new magazine. It will contain all information needed for the novice chicken farmer.

Southern Fried Mamma....I am sending you a free copy.

Friday, July 18, 2008

Filet mignon, UPS men, and ticks

Today I received a call from our local UPS office, saying I had a package to pick up. Why do I have to pick up my packages, you ask? One of my dogs bit my fabulous/hottie UPS man and now I must pick up all packages at the office. *Sigh* Now he and I cannot linger over converstaion while I check out his slick, bald head and his tight buns.

Anyhoo...I dutifully drove to the office, where naturally a different hottie works at the desk and gives me my package. Holy Moly it is a box of Omaha Steaks! I had naturally thought Secret Agent Man had ordered yet more secret agenty stuff for me to pick up. But no! We now have Filet Mignon! Sweet!

This most wonderful package turned out to be a thank you gift from City Girl and her hubs. You see, City Girl came to stay at our house with her lovely three children. They are city folks and were not acquainted with tractors, chickens, crazy dogs, cattle, etc..... So, we gave them the short lesson on country life. This including tractor driving lessons, blackberry picking, feeding cows and chickens, and walking down to the meadow.

It was all so marvelous.

Until....City Girl emailed me that when she got home she had a tick on her unmentionable area. She sends me steak and I gift her with a tick on her cha-cha. What an unfair trade-off.

Thursday, July 17, 2008

Let's meet Mr. B

I bet I know what you are thinking....who is this good looking man with the luscious locks? This is Mr. B., my dad. Here you see him being a very good sport. His granddaughters have a "dress up closet" and he is trying on their wigs.
Although he might not look like it here, he served his country with a career in the Air Force. I bet he calls me this weekend asking why in the world did I put his picture on the internet.

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Dahling...don't hate me because I'm beautiful

Go ahead....admit it. These are the hottest looking chicks you have seen lately. These lovely ladies have joined our farm, courtesy of my friend/partner in crime, Southern Fried Momma. They are Polish Chickens and the hallmark of the breed is the puffball of feathers on top of their heads. I also learned today that they make very loud squawking noises when you pick them up. Apparently, they prefer to be wild and crazy running around in joyous freedom.

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

3 thumbs up!

Farmchick, Toots, and the Deerslayer here to let you know that we saw the movie, "Journey to the Center of the Earth" and thought it was awesome. We saw it in 3-D and they gave us the coolest glasses. So....in case you need us we will be jellyfishing with Spongebob.

Monday, July 14, 2008

May they rest in peace....

I know that all of my loyal readers out there have been wondering where I have been. Well, the peeps and I took a little trip to the beach. It seems that Toots and the Deerslayer ran into a bit of trouble. They met up with a shark. I tried to help, but you know....what's a mom to do? I had to photograph this dramatic event. It's my duty as their parent.
May they rest in peace....

Sunday, July 6, 2008

Bisquit's in the house!

Let's meet "The Bisquit". He is the newest addition to the household. He is the cutest kitten on the planet and it looks like he is wearing eyeliner. Toots is in love with him. She and her friends have spent the past few days pushing him around in a baby stroller. He has also been dressed in baby clothes, slept in the doll cradle, and seems to be loving every minutes of it.

You might be a hunter if.....

Here in smalltownland hunting is a big sport. Actually, we could say it is a huge sport. Each fall Secret Agent Man and the Deerslayer join their man friends for the start of deer season. They all convene in a building known as the "West Wing". It is a very manly place. Many deer head hang on the wall and there are no feminine elements in this room. While showing this area to a visiting friend we noticed that next to the coffee maker was a bottle of doe estrus. In case you are not versed in the area of deer hunting, doe estrus is used to attract a buck (a male deer). Now, I know you might be thinking this is a staged photo, but I can assure you it is not. We almost fell over laughing.

Friday, July 4, 2008

Happy 4th of July

Happy 4th of July to everyone...let's remember to appreciate all of the freedoms that we take for granted.

Wednesday, July 2, 2008

New places to visit

The great thing about your kids being involved in actitivites, is it gives you the chance to experience new places. This week we took a trip to Berea for the state trap shooting match. Secret Agent Man and myself, had never been to this beautiful town. Berea College is located here as well as a thriving artist community. Art, of all kinds, is located throughout the town.

He did it!

The Deerslayer went to the state trap shooting match and did a great job. This is his first time competing on a state level. He did an excellent job and won a rookie award. Needless to say, his mom and dad are very proud.